I think they should
Implement minivan training.

You get into the driver’s seat
And they give you VR goggles
So you feel like you’re living the experience.
Because I had no idea
What I was getting into
When we got one.

When all 5 of my kids
Were finally here
A minivan was a necessity
Mostly because Baby #4 and #5
Were only 2 years apart.
And since they have to
Stay in car seats
Until they are old enough to vote
Or at least drive themselves,
We traded in our
Slightly cooler Honda Pilot
For a minivan.
We needed the pathway
For the older 3 kids
To get to the back seat
Without having to move
The car seats
Every.
Single.
Time.

And the older kids were okay with it
Because it had a DVD player
So they could watch movies
On long trips
Or on short trips to the store.
Fun fact:
I’ve listened to the movie
The Lorax
A million times
Even though
I’ve never watched it.

Anyway,
Sometimes those car rides
Were really loud.
And one day in particular,
I took my kids to Costco.
It wasn’t a quick trip either.
We needed a lot of basics.
And we left with a lot of things
That weren’t basics too
Because…
Costco.

We left the store with
So much stuff, including:
4 dozen eggs
Boxes of junk food
And boxes of staples
And then I wrestled all of the kids
Into the minivan.

And I wasn’t even
Out of the parking lot
Before it was total mayhem
In that car.
One kid was yelling
“Can you please start the movie again?!”
One kid was yelling
“I want fruit snacks!”
(The fruit snacks that were safely
Stowed in the trunk
Away from human reach.)
And one kid was yelling
For me to please
Take the freshly picked booger
From his finger.

Yes, I know
It could be worse.
But at that moment
I was trying
To turn left
Very slowly
And keep all the eggs
From toppling over.
And in that moment
I thought,
Is this what it’s like
Inside all minivans?
Because no wonder
We are all bad drivers.
It’s a literal circus in here.

And I don’t recall
Being prepared for this
During the test drive.
So maybe they should
Figure out a way
To simulate what your future holds
For anyone
Who is considering
Such a purchase.
Maybe instead of VR goggles
The minivan companies
Could recruit moms
To volunteer
To sit in the back seats
During the test drives.

Moms who could use
A safe space
To scream for fruit snacks
Because they had been
Listening to it all day.
Pay it forward.
I would totally volunteer
For the role
Of one of the kids
In the back seat.
Or if they needed me to,
I could color the entire cupholder
With crayon
In the very back seat.

That would be
Great for the prospective buyer,
But maybe not great for sales,
I concluded.

I will say
Having driven one myself,
When I see
Other minivans
And SUVs too
On the road
Swerving slightly into my lane
And taking turns too slowly;
I think about how
Because I’ve received grace
I’m compelled to give grace,
And not just with driving.

Because I think
Maybe they are driving like that
Because maybe –
Just maybe –
They are trying
To keep the eggs
From falling over.
Or maybe
Someone just handed them
A booger.

Learn more about grace here: https://youtu.be/6rRCphq8ljw?si=pZn3Vd-aGNLIt1zj

Image by AI. You’re welcome.