A few years ago
My brother-in-law
Passed away.
So suddenly
And so young.
Clint was 44.
And there was a moment
At his funeral
When I felt like I knew
Exactly where he was.

His funeral was held
In a chapel
And my baby boy
Who was just a few months old
At the time,
Was getting restless.
So I took him
To the back of the room
For a change of scenery
So he would stay quiet
During the service.
As I was slowly pacing
With my baby boy
In my arms,
And everyone was focused
On the speaker
At the front of the room,
A thought
Popped into my head
As if it was placed there:
“If Clint was here
He’d probably be back here too.”
Slowly pacing.
And I remembered
How he hated funerals.
But he went to them anyway
Because he loved people.
And I almost giggled
Remembering how
He would go to great lengths
To focus only
On the people
Who were grieving,
And not the person
In the casket.
And in that moment
I noticed an empty chair
By the back door.

And my mind flashed back
To a previous time
A few years before
When I was in a different chapel
And it was only half-full
Of people.
And the speaker
At the front of the room said,
“I know it may look
Like this room is only half full
Because of the empty seats;
But I want to assure you
That it is completely full of people.”
And in that moment,
I knew my dad
Was one of the people there,
Even though
He lived in heaven.
He was there
And so were other angels
Who we couldn’t see,
But they were real
And they were there
On that day.

And so
On the day
Of Clint’s funeral
While I was in
The back of the room
With my baby boy,
And everyone was focused
On the speaker
At the front of the room,
I had the same feeling:
That Clint was back there too.
Slowly pacing
And pausing to sit
In that empty chair
By the back door.

And in the coming days
And months
And years
There were other times too –
On holidays
Or at family dinners –
When there was an empty chair.
And I’m certain
That Clint was there
Then
Too.
Because he loves people.