I walked across the high dive
And over the swimming pool
To the very edge
Where my toes teetered
On the brink
Of an exhilarating drop
Down into the cool water
Which would surely be
A welcome respite
From the blaring sun.
My heart raced with anticipation
And fear.

So much fear
That instead
Of jumping
Off of the diving board,

I built a house there.

I assembled
Windows and doors
And walls
And I got groceries
And I decorated
And I moved in.

As you might imagine,
It was a precarious perch
And quite unstable,
But I decided
To wait there
Until I had mustered
Enough courage
And the timing was exactly right.

Because I knew
That to leap
Into the water
Would require
A significant
Leap of faith.
It would
Would require courage
And I wasn’t sure
I had gathered enough
Yet.
And so, I paused
And I waited.

I waited
For so long
That the flowers I had planted
In the flowerboxes
Of the windows
Of my rickety house,
Started to bloom.
And the great effort
Of living there
And constantly rebalancing
Its floors,
Began to take its toll
And altogether
Deplete my energy
That I might have spent
On other endeavors.

On another occasion
I stood in an airplane
About to sky dive
I walked to the plane’s edge
Where my toes teetered
On the brink
Of an exhilarating drop
Down into the air
Like flying
My heart racing with anticipation
And fear.

So much fear
That instead
Of jumping
Out of the airplane,

I set up a tent.

I gathered a sleeping bag
And a portable stove
And lit a campfire
So I could make s’mores.
And I camped.

As you might imagine,
It was a precarious perch
And quite unstable,
But I decided
To wait there
Until I had mustered
Enough courage
And the timing was exactly right.

Because I knew
That to leap
Into the air
Would require
A significant
Leap of faith.
It would
Would require courage
And I wasn’t sure
I had gathered enough
Yet.
And so, I paused
And I waited.

I waited
For so long
That the blaze
Of the roaring campfire
Had smoldered down
Into ashes
Leaving me cold.
And the great effort
Of living there
And constantly
Flying the airplane,
Began to take its toll.
And altogether
Deplete my energy
That I might have spent
On other endeavors.

And if these stories
Sound illogical
I would have to agree.

And I would also
Have to say
That I have been guilty
Of actually doing them
In my life,
Figuratively speaking.

Because perhaps
There are moments
And even setbacks
In our lives
That are meant
To be a catapult;
To propel us
To fling us
Ahead
Forward
Into a trajectory of greatness
Even beyond our dreams.

But instead of leaping,
When we get there
To that pivotal moment,
Out of fear,
We shrug
And shrink
And think,
“I suppose
This is where I live now…”

And we dwell there –
On diving boards
And skydiving platforms –
Places that were
Never meant to be
The final destination.

And we stay there
Longer than needful,
And certainly
Longer than useful,
Until we’ve entirely
Outgrown its purpose,
Which was only to be
A temporary moment.
A necessary catalyst
To propel us forward
To somewhere else.
Somewhere better.
Somewhere we haven’t been
Yet.

And so I find myself musing
About the concept
That courage
Does not mean
The absence of fear
But rather
It means acting
Even in
The presence of fear.

Because once I realized
The great effort
I was using
To keep my unstable
And temporary house
Up on the diving board,
I opened the front door
And leapt from the high dive.

And after a fall
That felt like flying
For a moment,
The impact
Of the swimming pool
Was delicious
As the cool water
Enveloped my entire being.
And I surfaced the water
With renewed hope and courage
For whatever was next.

And once I realized
The great effort
I was using
To keep my unstable
And temporary tent
From flying away
In the wind
Through the open window
Of the airplane –
(And once I remembered
That I actually
Quite dislike camping) –
I leapt from the airplane.

And once I caught my breath
The fall felt like flying
The rush of the wind
Was exhilarating
Even though
I didn’t know yet
Where I would land.
But I knew
I couldn’t wait
To find out.